


are you somewhere under this endless sky?

by 10hr10minute



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, it's angst man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 07:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11939523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10hr10minute/pseuds/10hr10minute
Summary: where are you now? what are you doing?i can't deliver my heart twice(if you checked the archive warning/ know anything about hybrid child's third story, you in for a treat)





	are you somewhere under this endless sky?

**Author's Note:**

> \- i wrote 1/2 of the scenes on a particularly emo day, then tied them together the next day so it's really, really, not the best thing but i decided to post it anyhow
> 
> \- it's based on hybrid child, but the circumstances changed, and they're korean but it's set in japan, lol
> 
> \- songs i listened to while writing: hirari hirari // dear you // sakura sakura

Jihoon had always been a quiet, reserved child. The neighbours commented on it often, in their hurried whispers, spoken behind palms as if it would guard the meanness of their words. So did his teachers, and relatives, passing remarks. ‘What a strange child,’ they said. ‘It’s hard to believe he is your son,’ they said. His classmates said such things too, but they were younger, ruder, and without decency. 

“There he goes again, The Machine Boy.”

They called him that because he often opted to sit in his field of tools and gears, fixing something, crafting something else, rather than to spend time with people. Jihoon understood the parts, and how they worked together to create a whole, methodical, consequences that never betrayed reason. He understood this better than he could words, and stringing them into sentences, and how the results were unexpected, lost between the sea of interpretation and the art of delivery.

It seemed natural then, that he pushed people away. And it was equally natural, as they were people, that eventually they shoved back.

Then, Jihoon found, he was always alone with nobody to talk to.

But it was okay. It would always be okay. Jihoon wasn’t sad.

Because he had his own sun.

There was this odd kid who lived in the same village. He didn’t attend school like the rest of the children. He played by the river even when it rained, while everyone else retreated into shelters. And he talked to The Machine Boy.

His name was Kwon Soonyoung.

Jihoon looked at him and saw only the brightest of lights.

 

* * *

 

“Ya-”

“-hoo!”

Two heads poked out from the slight opening of his door. Jihoon let out a sigh. As usual, it was the same, two culprits who’d come to bother him again, his brother Seokmin, and Kwon Soonyoung.

“You two are noisy.” He said, not tearing his eyes off the mechanism he was working on, not wanting to lose sight of what he was doing.

“Aw don’t be like that, hyung. Soonyoungie came to play.”

Jihoon grunted. “Soonyoung always comes to play.”

“Ouch.” Soonyoung said. “Cold as usual, huh.” His laugh was kind of shaky. “What are you making?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Seokmin butted in, grabbing his friend by the wrist. “Well,  _ we’re _ going to play, so bye bye.”

The leave their footsteps falling pitter patter on the wooden floor, the sounds of delighted shrieking, and the steady tok tok tok of the sozu. They sounded like brothers, playing without a care in the world. Jihoon jammed a screwdriver into a bolt.

 

* * *

 

Soonyoung was the son of someone important in the village. Not important to the village, not quite. But someone important who lived in the village. Jihoon wasn’t very sure about matters like that. 

But by extension, Soonyoung should be a rather important person himself, Jihoon figured. 

He would never have known if he didn’t happen to overhear the maids talking about it though. One honestly would never have guessed, looking at the happy-go-lucky kid sprinting across the grass with his friend.

Jihoon didn’t know how Seokmin and Soonyoung even met in the first place, he’d never asked either of them.

He just knew that Seokmin was a friendly child, who regularly left the house early and came back with a new friend by night. And Soonyoung was supposed to be one of those, but somehow he stayed longer than initially thought. They’ve been like that ever since. One person, and another, and another. A country for the three of them.

That was more than enough.

 

* * *

 

 

Even the machines could not go on forever. Screws turn loose. Levers become jammed. No matter how perfectly they are created, it is nature’s design for them to be stop.

And men were no different.

One day, the clock struck around lunch, and there was no boisterous laughter in the hallways. It was unnatural, it shouldn’t be, but it was. He decided to turn his attention back to the project he was working on, trying to concentrate, he should be able to, but he couldn’t. It must be the grey clouds and the heavy smell of oncoming showers.

A while later, there was a soft rapping on his door. He knew immediately it wasn’t Seokmin for his brother would never think to knock, it was too natural to barge open, there was no such boundary for him.

“Why are you here?”

Because it was strange. Where was Seokmin?

“Your brother’s ill, I didn’t know if you knew.”

Of course Jihoon knew about his own brother, what did Soonyoung think?

“I know.” He snapped. “You didn’t answer the question.”

Rumble.

Soonyoung swallowed. “All the nurses are with him, they shooed me out.”

“Wise. You’re a distraction. But why are you here?” Jihoon felt his patience wear thin.

“I thought we could hang out today then.” Soonyoung answered. “We don’t usually get to talk.”

“It is pointless.”

Soonyoung seemed disheartened by that, but he was persistent. “Oh come on don’t say that. We’re pretty much friends at this point.”

Rumble.

Jihoon frowned deeply at that.

“Geh. That stings.” He placed a hand over his heart. “I want to know more about you.”

“You know enough.”

“I want to know what you’re working on.”

“There is no worth in them while they’re incomplete.”

Soonyoung had made his way over as this conversation was going on so now half of him was illuminated by the oil lamp. He picked up a stray nut. “If they could comprehend, they’d cry.”

With a click of the tongue, Jihoon snatched the part back. “But they can’t.”

The rumbling in the sky got louder and finally there was a plip. A sole droplet that fell to the floor, splattered and left a stain on the gravel. Then more and more came, until the entire area was painted over in a different colour, the sound of pelting rain and strong winds that wailed through the leaves.

“Seems to me they do. Look, their tears fall from above.”

Jihoon wanted to refute him. Dummy. He’d say. That is the rain, it occurs because of evaporation and condensation.

But his tongue was jammed, there was something wrong with it, it refused to move. Soonyoung tore his eyes from the view of falling rain to the boy next to him. “So tell me, what are you making?”

 

* * *

 

 

“You did well on your recent tests.” his mother said, in that gentle voice of hers. “Is there anything you want as a present?” 

Jihoon thought about it for a moment, eyes squinting off to look at the sun hanging too bright in the sky.

“I would like some sakura manjuu.” He stated.

She paused from the tapestry she was weaving, accessing him with her clear eyes. Like that, she looked quite like a doll.

“Is- Is that unacceptable?” He asked, feeling like he had to say something, otherwise she would find out. But find out what, exactly?

She blinked in response. “Of course not.” She said, tone easy, and the motions returning to her hands. “I will grant it for you.”

Then she smiled. Jihoon knew he failed.

 

* * *

 

They were helping to carry things to and fro, in preparation for the stage. Side by side, arms full of boxes. It was a side effect of being born into a family of performers, they have been involved in the backstage work since they could walk.

And being backstage for so long, Jihoon almost stopped believing in beauty. He saw how the stages were constructed, how the garments were made, and how the actresses’ faces were painstakingly covered with makeup before every show. He himself practised the koto until his hands blistered. There was nothing pretty about it.

Yet, that didn’t seem enough to stop Soonyoung.

“Soonyoung is an idiot.” Jihoon said.

“You have a terrible way of speaking.” Seokmin sighed, more resigned than berating.

“But he is though.” The shorter boy insisted, continuing his tread forward without any signs of trouble.

Seokmin hummed. “And why do you say that?”

Jihoon wanted to shrug but he found he was too weighted down. “Because he insists on talking to me. Even though nobody likes me. If he keeps this up, nobody will like him either, by association.”

“See? What a terrible way of speaking.” But he derived no pleasure in proving his point. “If Soonyoungie had heard just the first line, he would have gotten upset, don’t you think?”

Jihoon stopped. Seconds later, Seokmin stopped too, taking a small half step back to watch his brother with a an eyebrow quirked.

“I don’t want Soonyoung to get hurt.”

Suddenly Seokmin forgot how to respond, lost in the sight of eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled down, and the glinting in his eyes from the light of the morning sun.

He swallowed. “Yeah…” Blinked. “Yeah, me neither. I don’t want you to get hurt either. Because you are all important to me.”

 

* * *

 

“Ya-”

“-hoo!”

Now a commonplace greeting. Instead of a knock on the door or something to that effect, the two boys tumbling in without waiting for a response.

“Why do you two always show up here?”

“Because Jihoonie wouldn’t come when we ask you to, so I’ve got to come here instead.” Soonyoung answered.

Seokmin agreed wholeheartedly.

“You guys are irritating.”

The two laugh because there was no real bite to be found in those lines.

“But since you’re here. I received some sakura manjuus from some classmates. I don’t like it very much, you can have it.” He indicated vaguely to a place beside him.

“What? Jihoonie, you’re an idiot, they’re the best!” Soonyoung called, already halfway across the room to the place where Jihoon gestured the manjuus to be.

Seokmin grinned, trailed along, caught sight of Jihoon’s face, and paused.

“You know what,” he announced. “I’m not a big fan either.”

Soonyoung huffed. “You two fools.” But he was busy picking out manjuus and missed the glare Jihoon sent his brother’s way, the toothy smile back.

“Let me get you some drinks with that though!” Seokmin followed up and bounded away.

With the confectionery in hand, he trailed over to the low table where all the little bits and pieces of what Jihoon had been working on were scattered about. He sat nearby. “What are you working on today?”

Jihoon leaned back a bit.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well,” Soonyoung drawled, twirling his food. “I can’t really play while I eat so let’s talk!”

“You shouldn’t be talking while you eat either.” Jihoon pointed out.

“Then I’ll just listen so will you tell me what it is?”

Jihoon blinked, well, it was a sensible proposal.

“It doesn’t have a name yet but the idea is that when you open the box, a melody will play. This here is the revolving cylinder and it’s amazing, it can turn on its own because of the pressure and this mechanism allows the…”

His words start to fade and blur, Soonyoung didn’t understand a bit of what the other boy was saying but he had a light behind his eyes, and the words flow as naturally as a river’s course. So Soonyoung rested his head in his palms and absorbed the sight.

“That’s very cool.”

Jihoon stopped for a moment, almost as if he had forgotten that there was someone beside him. He processed the words, turned it this way and that in his head. Then a wave of embarrassment came in, Jihoon was not used to words of praise. He turned to face away, otherwise it would show too clearly on his face.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full.” He mumbled.

 

* * *

 

“You should invite him to the performance.” Seokmin said easily, taking out more pieces of wood from the box in front of him.

“Why should I?” Jihoon questioned. He was focused on running the silk through his machine. This one he was particularly proud of. Once his mother had spent countless hours making embroidery, her fingertips always prickled as a result. But with this device, that turned into such a simple, painless affair. Although he still had to monitor it carefully, or the fabric might rip, or it might turn out wrong.

Seokmin made a cross between a heave and a sigh as he yanked out a particularly heavy block.

“You know, because he likes these kinds of things. Plays, performances, anything on the stage.”

Jihoon stopped his machine.

“All the same, you could just invite him. You see him more often.”

“Man, you just don’t understand,” Seokmin shook his head, a plank see-sawing dangerously on his shoulder. “Soonyoung would be happier if someone who was performing invited him.”

“I don’t understand.” Jihoon deadpanned.

“Well, think of it this way, if I wrote a poem, and I showed it to you personally, doesn’t it feel like I value your opinion?” Wave of hands. “You do value Soonyoung’s opinion though, right?”

Annoyingly, Jihoon couldn’t refute as much as he wanted to.

 

* * *

 

 

The stage was beautifully set. The men on the koto sitting in a semicircle on the floor, they have white masks over their face, for they are not meant to be seen. Their clothes were plain and earth coloured. 

Even so, Soonyoung noticed, knew at a glance which one was his friend. It was too simple. After being around him for so long, he could read the very curves of his shoulders, set apart the air that surrounded him.

In the middle, there was a woman in beautiful robes, the vibrant colours of spring, the delicate patterns of life growing from the designs. It was splendidly made. The woman herself was gorgeous, her face painted, his hair like black silk, and an alluring tint of red on her lips. Most entrancing of all was her smile. There was any number of meanings to that close lipped smile, it seemed mysterious yet kindly.

She floated gently across the mat, as if weight was a concept foreign to her, light as a petal, unbound by the rules of humans.

All around her, the music shifted and swelled and changed. It was leading up to something, and it had arrived.

With that same unnatural grace she opened her mouth. A beautiful note came from her, as pretty as one would have expected and then some. She was singing the words of song, as she moved her hands accordingly.

Soonyoung had the impression, rather, that she was telling a tale.

And he couldn’t help it. As the lyrics of longing poured into his ears, the strange unspoken story poured into his heart, he looked at Jihoon diligently playing the instrument, then everything overflowed at once and he felt wetness fall from his eyes. Yet he couldn’t turn away.

After the show, as the woman gave her bows and her thanks, the men stood too. They bowed but did not speak, and then in an orderly fashion, they exited the stage one by one. Soonyoung jogged quickly to the corridor to catch him.

“That was amazing!” He gushed. “You sure have many talents, Jihoonie.”

“It was no big deal.” Jihoon said in response. All he did was pluck some strings, he wasn’t convinced he did anything more than the minimum. Of course not, expression was difficult, and the instrument is yet another form of communication, once again Soonyoung was wrong.

“Thanks for inviting me today!” Soonyoung pressed on, sweeping Jihoon’s statement under some proverbial tatami. “It was a lovely show.”

Jihoon looked up at his friend then.

“You cried.” He remarked, seeing the faint traces of tears left behind on the guy’s face.

“A little.” Soonyoung laughed, unashamed. “It was a sad story.”

Jihoon cocked his head, gave the guy a funny look. “I don’t understand. Anything can be made sad, it is all a trick.”

“Hmmm…” Soonyoung seemed to properly think on Jihoon’s statement. “But I felt it all the same.”

He extended a finger, poked it gently against Jihoon’s chest, just to the left, “don’t you feel it too? The songs don’t make me sad. They remind me of my sadness.”

And his face was clouded with too much melancholy. He must be proving a point. Jihoon reached out to place a hand on those cheeks, wiping the cloud away with his thumb.

“But it is imagination. Right now, are you still sad?” If he said yes, Jihoon didn’t know what he’d do, but he would have to figure out how to get rid of it for Soonyoung.

Soonyoung looked straight at him, a little bit of confusion swimming in his eyes blown wide, then he softened, returned to normal, a small smile blooming on his lips.

“No. No, I’m very happy right now.”

Jihoon thought his palm would burn from the radiance so he drew back. “That’s good then. I’ll see you later.” He indicated the koto, resting abandoned by his side.

Soonyoung nodded, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder. “See you.”

 

* * *

 

How stupid.

It is the middle of the night. Jihoon lifted the cloth. His big secret project was in preparation for the competition.

The King had said, whomever creates the most spectacular invention, I shall grant a seat in my council.

Right after, his parents both asked him if he had any interests in taking part. They were liberal folks, very interested in the pursuit of art, and they didn’t care as much that one of their sons had a passion for something other than their field. Rather, they were very supportive.

But Jihoon said no and they respected that too.

Then his brother came. “This is basically perfect for you!” He argued.

Jihoon said no, but Seokmin was not as easy to dissuade.

“It is a grand opportunity!”

Jihoon said no, but Seokmin had other ideas.

“I heard you’re taking part in the King’s competition!” Soonyoung cheered. “That’s amazing, Jihoonie, I just know you’ll do well.” He punctuated with a smile.

Seokmin smirked in the corner.

Jihoon submitted his application the next day.

* * *

 

 

“Ya-”

“-hoo!”

“Be careful of nails.”

Soonyoung and Seokmin look at each other, then they chuckle. They tiptoe inwards, cautiously looking at the floor for stray nails. Whatever Jihoon was working on this time around was pretty big but at the same time, didn’t make any sense to the other two.

“Hey, Jihoonie,” a fist clenched. “We brought you some snacks.” Seokmin sing-songed.

“Don’t need any.”

Soonyoung laid a hand on his shoulder. “Jihoonie.” He soothed. “You need to eat something.”

Jihoon’s hands stalled but he lifted up his head and said, “I’m not hungry.”

The hand that was on the shoulder trailed down, but not with any force. Followed the slope of his bicep, danced along the forearm, and came to rest gently on the back of Jihoon’s hand.

The world stopped.

“Jihoonie.”

Then it broke.

Jihoon’s movement was too sudden, he retracted and shoved in one swift motion, knocking Soonyoung back. The boy stumbled, feet pulled off from the floor, a yelp tumbling from his lips. But something clicked in Jihoon’s brain in that nanosecond, he propelled himself upwards, catching Soonyoung by the waist. He threw their weights around, enough for them to spin, so that their positions were swapped.

And his feet landed bam on the floor.

Having to catch his breath a little from the shock, Soonyoung temporarily lost his ability to speak. His gaze shifted down, where a strange red was seeping into the tatami, spreading like a blooming flower.

“You’re bleeding!” His panic came before he completely understood the situation. “Seokmin, go get help.”

The command jolted through Seokmin like a lightning bolt. “Getting help!” He squeaked, and with big, careful, strides, he was out of the room.

Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon by the shoulders. “Don’t move.” He made for the cloths draped over what was presumably another project.

“Don’t touch that!” Jihoon barked.

“Jihoon you are bleeding.”

“Seokmin is getting help.” Jihoon stated. “Besides, if it’s me, it doesn’t matter.”

“What are yo-”

“Because it’s my work. So I should be the only one to bear any kind of pain it may cause.”

Soonyoung huffed. “Trying to look cool even though you’re injured.” He took one more lingering glance at the still cloth then looked at the table and began clearing a space.

“What are yo-”

“Sit down.” Soonyoung pulled the boy down, taking care to be wary of the injury. Letting the boy lean his weight into Soonyoung’s side to make up for the inability to rest on one foot.

“I’m sorry.” Soonyoung went.

“I’m sorry first.”

“I’m principally sorry.”

“There is no such thing, idiot.”

Soonyoung snickered, crouching so he was level with his seating friend. Ever so gently, he lifted the foot. There was a nail there, piercing, marring Jihoon’s beautiful skin. He frowned. “This might hurt.”

Silently, Jihoon hooked his fingers under Soonyoung’s chin, pushed so that they could meet eye to eye. Soonyoung had a multitude of things passing through his pupils, it was almost indecipherable but Jihoon nodded. Swallowing a lump, Soonyoung nodded back, and yank.

Jihoon hissed, unable to keep his eyes open. The next thing he knew, he was in Soonyoung’s embrace, and his feet throbbed but didn’t hurt.

 

* * *

 

How stupid.

A great invention. That was the criteria for the competition, and Jihoon was an absolute fool. He was making something that was far from that.

His invention was simple.

It was to be a doll that could dance. And it was so, because Soonyoung loved the stage and everything that was on it. So he especially could not see it before the presentation itself.

 

* * *

 

 

“Is your leg better?” Soonyoung didn’t bother with greetings. He held a tray of food and tea, there was too much food and each item balanced precariously in the squeeze. 

“I’m not paralysed, Soonyoung.”

“But you are injured.”

True, Jihoon’s feet hurt a little bit but it was a minor thing. A slight inconvenience. He still had his hands, and he could still hold his tools. So he didn’t really answer Soonyoung, just graciously accepted the things that he was offered and moved as best as he could so Soonyoung could take a seat beside him.

Soonyoung folded his legs neatly when he sat. His posture was correct and his clothes were smoothened out, wrinkle free.

“I’m sorry for snapping about that thing.” Jihoon said, hiding his mouth behind a spoonful of porridge. He already knew Soonyoung was going to say it was no worry. Which wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “On the day of the presentation, you will come, right?”

Soonyoung was taken aback by the change in topic. “What? Of course I’ll be there. It’s Jihoonie’s moment.”

Jihoon swatted at the boy for his words. “Don’t make such a fuss. Just,” then he turned fidgety, “promise you’ll come.”

Instead, Soonyoung rested his weight on his palms, looking out towards the sky. “Hey, did you know if you break a promise, you have to swallow a thousand needles?” 

That was a distraction. “Only pinky promises.” Jihoon pointed out.

Soonyoung laughed.

“Nevertheless, I promise.”

* * *

 

 

“Hey.” 

Jihoon whipped around immediately, sensing something uncomfortably different. There was just Seokmin at the door, not entering, as if asking for permission.

“What’s the problem?”

Seokmin looked upset. “Soonyoung won’t be coming over anymore.” Jihoon felt his face fall. “He asked me to give you this box though.”

It wasn’t too big a box, looked like it could fit a pair of shoes, but it was intricately decorated and appeared to be plated with gold. It was going to be a box of bad news, Jihoon could just feel it.

“Um, I’ll, I’ll see you at dinner.” And Seokmin went away.

Bringing the box back into his room, Jihoon made space and set it down. The lock opened with a click. Inside were a bunch of envelopes, each one marked with a number, with five in total.

Jihoon picked up the one marked with ‘1’. His fingers shook slightly when he opened it.

 

1.

Dear Jihoonie, 

Hello! Sorry I had to move away so suddenly, I cannot tell you what it is about though, family secret.

Well, as an apology, I have prepared this little surprise! You see these five letters, right? You  can only open one a day, and you have to do it in order. No cheating, okay? There is a present for you at the very end so you have to be patient. That means you can only open the second one tomorrow.

So, see you tomorrow, Jihoonie.

Signed,  
Soonyoung 

 

* * *

 

Jihoon sighed, and laid in his futon absolutely unable to sleep, watching the moon in the sky. Was it midnight? Was it after? The instant the sky lightened up, the sound of the first bird reverberated through the air, Jihoon shot out, not mindful of the bandages on his foot. He struck the lamp and pulled out the second letter.

 

* * *

 

2.

Good morning, Jihoonie! 

Was that presumptuous? I certainly hope you are reading this message on a different day. I’d be quite irritated about it if you didn’t. Although, I suppose, there is no way for me to tell.

What are you working on today, Jihoonie? I bet it’s something smart and cool again. That’s kind of cheating, since your inventions are always amazing. I love to hear about them, and I’d love to hear about all the ones in the future as well. I bet you’ll make it into the King’s Council for sure! Even if I can’t watch the presentation, I’ll be there in spirit!

Your eternal supporter,  
Soonyoung 

 

* * *

 

He could barely concentrate on his work for the day, barely caught a wink of sleep at night.

 

* * *

 

3.

Hello again!

I hope it’s not raining today. It’s actually raining as I’m writing and it just feels so depressing.

By the way, I hope my writing is not too lame. I haven’t really done this much. No, actually, I write a lot of letters but they always have to be clear cut and to the point, so I don’t know if I’m expressing myself well. I try to think of it as how it’d be like if I were actually talking, but I don’t know if I’m doing well. Am I doing well?

Haha, but I can’t hear you anymore.

Enough with the sad stuff, ah the rain must be messing with me.

It’s be nice if you had a good day. If not there’s always tomorrow, right?

Sincerely,  
Soonyoung 

* * *

 

 

Repeat. 

 

* * *

 

4.

Hey, Jihoonie, have you ever heard this? That emotions and thoughts take place in the stomach.

A tutor of mine told me so.

I’ve always wondered why then, that when I am upset, it is my chest that hurts so much. Sometimes it even feels like I can’t breathe. Except I can, and I’m doing it just fine.

I’m sorry.

It is still raining and I cannot shake away these nasty thoughts. It’s short but I suppose I’ll end this one here. Please have a happy life. I’ll see you again in tomorrow’s letter.

Much happiness,  
Soonyoung 

 

Jihoon couldn’t help it. He’d held up so well up until now but the message was just too foreboding, he ripped open letter number 5 as fast as he could. What rules? What order? He’d ignore it all. 

 

5.

Dear Jihoon. 

Already I’m sorry. There is no present. I just wanted to tell you the truth.

Actually, I didn’t move anywhere. Still, I’m not coming back. I’m not sure how much you’re aware but my father committed a grave mistake, a lot of people are angry, but my father, he cannot answer to those people anymore. He is gone.

But their anger is not. Someone’s got to take responsibility for it all. Someone’s got to be accountable.

It’s embarrassing to say but the knowledge that this is a letter, the knowledge that I’ll never see you again, it gives me a bit of courage.

Harakiri.

I’ll never walk on this Earth again. I’m so scared, so, so scared, Jihoon. They walked me through the ritual, there are proper robes, there are steps to bowing, then I’ll plunge the blade myself. My mother hasn’t stopped crying, I don’t know how it is I am not. I think somewhere, some part of this whole thing hasn’t set in.

I’m sorry for lying like this. I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to. But the words didn’t come. Isn’t it strange? Because I’ve always been the noisy one between us. I talked too much, and made myself dislikable, yet when it really mattered, I fall silent.

Really, I’m useless aren’t I? Maybe after my stomach is cut open, a thousand needles will fall out.

Up until the very end, I will always be a burden, right? Hey, will you listen to one more thing this useless person has to say?

Actually, the truth is, Jihoon, since a long time ago,

The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?

Farewell  
/// 

 

Jihoon ran. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he knew he was going to do something. Although the sole of his feet was beginning to burn, he ignored even that. Along the way, he saw Seokmin sitting on the steps at the gate. Before he clearly knew what he was doing, he raised a hand and smacked the unsuspecting male’s head. 

“You knew.” Jihoon accused.

Seokmin cradled his head without protest. “You didn’t follow the instructions.” He deflected.

“Piss off.” Jihoon spat, shoving harshly past his brother.

“Wait,” even though he didn’t want to, he found himself stopping, “go straight and turn left on the way to the market. It’s the biggest house with red roof tiles and a pair of shiisa on top. Can’t miss it.”

Jihoon wore a bewildered face, eye wide.

“Go quickly.” Seokmin urged.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” He bit his bottom lip. “Now, go!”

Right. “Understood.” Said Jihoon, and he was off.

* * *

 

 

“Jihoonie?” It was barely audible, the way the name escaped his lips in a daze, like he couldn’t believe he was before him. Until he wisened up. 

“Why are you here?!” Now he was demanding. He knew he shouldn’t be so sharp, so abrasive, but he couldn’t help it. Why? Why? Why now? What will happen to my heart, that is unwilling to go?

“This is stupid.” Jihoon murmured.

Soonyoung wasn’t quite expecting those kinds of words, and he sputtered. “Wh-what?”

“I read it.” Was all Jihoon said. “It is not your fault, why should you be the one to take responsibility?”

Even after he said that, things were eerily quiet. I beg you, “don’t say things like that.” I am too weak already. “I bear some fault, in the grand scheme of things, so I have to do this.”

“That’s rubbish.”

“But it’s the only way.”

“No, that is the only way to prevent a fight.” Jihoon corrected. “Even if you don’t do it, the world will only move on. It will find another solution. It might not be a better, there might still be more fighting, who knows for sure, but saying that there is no other choice is a lie and y-.”

“STOP IT!” Soonyoung screamed.

Jihoon halted immediately. He never knew Soonyoung could look so distraught, his smile twisted into something unrecognisable, a pained face.

“Stop it…” he repeated much softer, wilting as if he lost his strength. “Please stop.”

There was a magic in his words because Jihoon was unable to continue speaking no matter how much his mind was screaming that he had to, had to fix this big mess he caused.

“I know Jihoon’s always hated me, so just go.”

Jihoon snapped up. Always hated me. “I hate you.” So. “So.” Just go. “Don’t go somewhere I can’t hate you anymore!”

The moment grew cold and silent. Jihoon looking resolutely at the floor, chest heaving.

“We can’t be so selfish.” Soonyoung whispered.

“Why not?”

“The world is not built for us.”

“But it is built by what we choose to do.”

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung reached out both his arms, caught the shorter man in an embrace that swallowed, the long robes covering his stature. “Don’t say anything anymore.”

It seemed like he was determined, the way he pressed Jihoon so hard into his chest, until the other couldn’t quite speak even if he wanted.

Yet he seemed to have forgotten that not speaking directly was Jihoon’s specialty.

The younger pried himself away from the hold, then grabbed the taller by the collar, and tugged.

Found his mark.

Lips on lips.

Soonyoung shattered into a million pieces, falling to the floor as tears.

 

* * *

 

Dawn broke over the horizon but the room was cold and Jihoon knew. He didn’t want to face it yet though, but some time or another he would have to, preferably before anyone else saw him here in this room he shouldn’t be in.

He stretched his hand out towards the sun. It was so bright, so yellow, so far away, and his body was just so, so heavy.

It was a miracle how he managed to gather himself upright and leave without anyone catching him. Surely, he must have taken forever, with each action feeling as lethargic as it did. Maybe the Gods were against him.

He chose to walk through the forest, a road less travelled, and he deliberately picked all the trails that he didn’t recognise. Where would they take him? He didn’t know. He didn’t really care to be honest. Right now, anywhere was the same. And at some point, he left the green of the trees to walk alongside the blue of the water. As he walked, he thought he was changing. No, not changing, becoming lighter.

The Lee Jihoon that was wandering in the shade was different from the Lee Jihoon walking along the shore. Awhile ago he was a man who could have earned a spot in the Palace for his inventions, now he was homeless and penniless. He slightly wondered if anyone had caught on that he was missing now, but he didn’t think too hard about what the scene might be like whichever the case. Previously he had been full of something, but now it was like he was empty, hollow. Hansel who dropped crumbs along the forest to find his way back, except he could see nothing on the ground. It seemed like he was an entirely different person, no longer Lee Jihoon. Except he was. Because there was just one thing that was still there. One very crucial thing.

The simple fact that Lee Jihoon would love Kwon Soonyoung until the end of all that was natural.

_Come on now, come on now, let’s go see the flowers._

_Flutter, flutter, away._

**Author's Note:**

> \- hey
> 
> \- did anyone ask for this? no.   
> \- do i even remember much about hybrid child? no.   
> \- do i know what i'm doing? definitely not. 
> 
> \- i'm terrible,,,  
> \--- also having a bit of a writing slump so i'll be taking some time off but my current plans are to finish the last chapter of come (what) may and then concentrate on beyond g&e
> 
> \- okay, i go, if you want to talk you can find me @hoziwooshi, okay i really go


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